All you need to die is to be alive. All you need to have relationship problems is to be in one.

Many couples we counsel find out that they have relationship problems the same way some people discover they have a deadly disease. On a routine visit to the doctor, or when they go just to check on a small complaint, they find out they have a very serious illness, which is in an advanced stage. And they often hear the doctor say: “If we had caught it early, it would have been much easier to treat…”

Many couples find themselves in a relationship crisis when they least expect it.

Relationship problems are common, but it is not so easy to detect when something more serious is going on. It is essential to catch and deal with serious problems as soon as possible, before the situation gets to the point of no return.

Here is a way for you to check the health of your relationship. If possible, do this test and then ask your partner to do it as well. Then compare your answers (which will probably be quite different). You may be surprised with the results.

Go through the questions and write down your answers on a piece of paper. Don’t choose the answer that should reflect your marriage/relationship, but the one that does right now.

1. Can you reveal personal weaknesses and worries to your spouse without fear of embarrassment, criticism or judgement?
(a) Yes (b) Sometimes (c) No

2. Do you check with each other about money concerns that affect both of you?
(a) Yes (b) Sometimes (c) No

3. When you’re upset or angry about something your spouse does or fails to do, is it easy to tell him/her about it?
(a) Yes (b) Sometimes (c) No

4. Is your spouse comfortable with the way you interact with opposite-sex friends?
(a) Yes (b) Sometimes (c) No

5. Are you both comfortable with the way you’re paying the bills and keeping track of your finances?
(a) Yes (b) Sometimes (c) No

6. Do you discuss important decisions and how they will impact your relationship and family? 

(a) Yes (b) Sometimes (c) No

7. Do you know the basic needs of your spouse?

(a) Yes (b) Sometimes (c) No

Now that you’re finished with the quiz, we’d like you to score yourself.

Give yourself…

70: Excellent, but keep working at it. You never know what’s going to happen tomorrow, or what types of stress will be placed on your relationship, so keep learning!

65-55: Good, but you have some areas that need improvement. If you do not address them quickly, they will only increase.

50-40: Bad. Your marriage is in need of serious help. Chances are you need professional help in making healthy changes to negative, ingrown habits. Chances are your parents and relatives have the same kind of marriage. You need help now.

35 and below: Your relationship is in intensive care, hanging by a thread. There are major breakdowns in your relationship and one or both of you are behaving and making decisions based solely on themselves. A serious re-evaluation needs to take place. Without a doubt you and/or your spouse have one or more of the following that need to be dealt with: unhealed wounds from the past, trust issues, unforgiveness, anger, insecurity and selfishness. Get help immediately!

 

 

UPDATE:

We’re glad to announce the launch of our new book, “Bulletproof Marriage – your shield against divorce”. You can now order it via our UK online store.