I have seen many people falling into this trap, this banana peel, so to speak, because they do not realise what they are doing is a clear path in keeping grudges and it’s totally ineffective. In other words, they will not gain anything from their actions. If they continue on this path, they will harm themselves and start burning bridges, closing doors in life.

I talk especially to you, an over-sensitive person, who gets hurt easily, who has a list of people you don’t speak to anymore, places you no longer go to. Not for wise choices but for grief and feelings against those of that particular environment, including the church or people in your family.

What is the right way to keep grudges?

Based on a recent story, I have noticed that people who keep grudges tend to look only from their point of view.

When you only focus on your point of view, that is, when you do not consider the reasons why someone hurt you, this is a guaranteed way for you to keep grudges. Because it makes you think only about your reasons and ignore the other person’s, whether they are justifiable or not.

So, you need to understand that there are at least two points of view in each situation involving two people. I’ll give an example here to illustrate what I’m talking about:

“Let’s assume that you need an urgent job and you have a relative or a friend who has a company, and you decide to look for them and ask for a job. However, they deny your request without giving further explanation. So, looking only from your standpoint, you keep grudges against that relative or friend. You say, ‘ When I needed you the most, you didn’t help me…’ You act as if the person had an obligation to give you the job, but you don’t think about why the person denied you this help. So, you keep grudges and start avoiding them.”

You’re just considering your side; you do not think there’s another side of this story, why the other person didn’t give you the job. There can be many reasons.

So, I see that people who are easily hurt have difficulty seeing the other side but very easily get stuck with their reasons.

What happens to you? You become a difficult person to live with, a bitter person who worsens their own state because grudges are like cancer; they corrode the person from the inside, closing doors and causing the person to isolate themselves. The more grudges you develop, the more bitter you become and the more unbelieving towards people you become.

You have to open your mind. What do you have to do? You need to give people the benefit of the doubt. You must understand that the world does not revolve around you; you are not the centre of the world; you are a part of a society of millions of people, each with their own problems. And injustices will happen; not everything will be the way we want.

In an ideal world, when you need a job, someone gives it to you.

In an ideal world, when you are upset, someone goes easy on you.

In an ideal world, no one would talk rough or harshly to you.

In an ideal world, there would be no problems.

But you don’t live in this ideal world; you live in the real world, and if you don’t know how to deal with the real world, you will be devoured and crushed by your own feelings first, and then by the people around you.

What do you choose to do?

Wake up to life, and practice the Word of God, which involves forgiving, walking the extra mile, and turning the other cheek. It’s easy to say it, isn’t it? But the time will come when you must feel the slap on one cheek and have to give the other. If you can’t do that, your faith will be just theory.