I’ve talked a lot about the evils of pornography and how the end results are the exact opposite of what people want for their sex life. Most men and women who watch pornography do it for the sexual excitement. “We’re trying to spice up the relationship” is a common buzzword. But of course, married couples are not the only ones who watch pornography. Unfortunately, one of the tragedies of our generation is the easy access of ever-younger people—even children—to this plague.

However, I want to focus a bit on the couples that are deceived by the idea that pornography improves their sex lives. Whether you’re a man who can no longer be intimate with your wife without pornography, or a woman who is trying to compete with the porn stars your husband fantasizes about, or a woman that feels disgusted with this type of addiction, I want to offer an alternative. After all, it’s not enough for me to say that pornography is a problem and not offer a solution.

Appetites

The first thing we need to understand is that as humans we have an appetite for sex. An appetite is a natural desire to satisfy a bodily need, a craving or tendency. The word is often used in relation to food because eating and drinking are among our most basic appetites. Sex, however, is also one of the strongest human appetites, which explains the rapid proliferation of pornography. It spreads so quickly because its goal is to satisfy a person’s appetite for sex without the complications of a relationship.

Following this line of thought, with the understanding that we have an appetite for sex, we can learn about pornography by looking at our appetite for food.

Let’s say you decide to go out this Saturday to the best restaurant for the type of food you like the most. If you are a meat lover, think of a great steak house; if you’re a fan of pasta, think of an Italian dish that makes your mouth water… Anyway, you will plan to have lunch or dinner at that place. What will you do when Saturday rolls around? If you are like me, you will eat light all day and avoid snacking before going out to eat so that you can eat as much as you can once you are there. In other words, you will enjoy your restaurant meal much more if you’re hungry, if you avoid spoiling your appetite with junk food all day long.

Continuing the analogy, let’s say the restaurant is your bedroom, the table is your bed, the meal is your intimacy with your spouse—and junk food is pornography. What would help to make these moments the most enjoyable? It would be to preserve your sexual appetite for that moment and avoid spoiling it with pornography or masturbation—sexual garbage.

Do you remember your mother telling you, “Don’t eat that before lunch, you’ll lose your appetite”? She was right. Eating junk food before meals spoils a person’s appetite.

If you really want to energize your sex life with your wife or husband, stop the consumption of junk food. Decide that intimacy is something personal between the two of you, period. Refuse to watch pornography or masturbate.

Husbands, have eyes for your wife only. Make her feel desired; let her know she’s the only woman in your life. Be exclusively hers. Find out what turns her on—and you know, it is not only what happens between the sheets. Make her pleasure the priority, not yours.

Wives, don’t say no to your husbands, or make them feel as if you are simply fulfilling an obligation when you sleep together. Let him know what you want; help him to please you. If he has been watching pornography, share this blog post with him and suggest that both of you follow the advice that is given. “Honey, I promise to give you the best time you’ve ever had, just promise to stop watching pornography. We don’t need that.”

By throwing away the garbage and focusing on correct and healthy ways of satisfying each other’s sexual appetite, you will discover the true hot pepper of sex—as well as the garlic, onion, parsley, basil…

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