13/09/2014

Learning to say “no”

It is a short word that many are not able to say and others do not accept to hear:

“No, I can’t work late today because I promised my wife we’d celebrate our anniversary.”
“No, I can’t take on this project because of my commitment to the current ones.”
“No, I do not want this relationship anymore. I will go after my happiness and you should do the same.”
“No, thank you, I do not want to buy it.”
“No, I am no longer smoking/doing drugs/drinking. Please do not offer it to me anymore.”

Something to pay attention to: people who do not take “no” for an answer usually surround themselves with those who only know how to say yes. It is a kind of slavery, where the dictator controls his subordinates; a game in which one always wins, and the other always loses.

In order for you not to become this losing slave, you must make peace with this short word. Understand its importance, how and when to use it, and lose the fear of it. You also have the right to say no.

See if you are going through a hard time now; paying a high price for being afraid of saying no. Start the change within you. First, understand you have the right to say no to certain things. No one can force anything upon you.

Then, start practicing this change in the little things. If you get angry with yourself, you get overwhelmed because you keep taking on more jobs without having finished the previous ones (and being reprimanded for not delivering what was expected of you); you’re always stressed out and mad at the wrong people — so start saying “no” more often.

Besides getting rid of unnecessary burdens, you will see how your self-esteem and your sense of self-value will improve. Without a doubt, those who are used to your customary “yes” will find your behavior a little odd. Maybe they will distance themselves from you because they cannot use you anymore, which will not be a bad thing at all.

Learn to say no wisely and you will be much happier.