Cristiane and I faced many challenges in our marriage in the first 12 years. I felt ashamed to ask for help for a long time, not because there was no solution or because the problems were impossible, but because we followed the mentality that you “don’t wash dirty linen in public”. Thus, we kept to ourselves all our difficulties; fights, disagreements, arduous days and we never sought support. We thought, “We can’t bother other people”, “People will know we’re in trouble”, “We’re a couple, we must solve this alone”.

This mixture of ignorance, pride, and shame made us suffer much more than we should. The fear of admitting that we didn’t know how to solve our problems prevented us from seeking help before it was too late. Only when our marriage was hanging by a thread—when Cristiane told me, “I can’t do it anymore. I prefer to separate and leave”— we took action. It was a phone call asking for help that started the beginning of the transformation of our relationship.

We talk more about this in the ‘Bulletproof Marriage’ book. If you’ve read it, you know what I’m talking about. Shame has been a great obstacle for many people who face difficulties in their love life because they believe they should know how to deal with everything alone. But the truth is that no one is born knowing everything. When a couple exchanges vows on the altar, they do not automatically receive the knowledge for a successful marriage. It is a continuous learning process, just like any new challenge in life.

If you are suffering in your marriage, if you have tried other relationships and failed, if you are alone, divorced or living an unhappy marriage, know that there is no shame in seeking help. Shame is continuing to suffer without doing anything to change.

King David spoke about this feeling:

“My dishonour is continually before me, And the shame of my face has covered me.” – Psalms 44:15

David had the humility to admit his shame, and thousands of years later, we still know about this because he was not afraid to register his feelings. He sought help from God and found a solution. That’s what ‘Love Therapy’ can offer you.

If your love life is far from what it should be, if you are getting by in marriage, living without dialogue, no intimacy for weeks, months or even years, perhaps more as enemies than partners, you must reflect. Maybe your focus is only on work and money, and you haven’t stopped to think: “What am I doing with my life? I need to invest in my relationship.”

When someone talks about ‘Love Therapy’, you run away, like the devil runs away from the cross. Do you know why? Shame and pride. And they are the ones who may be keeping you confused, unhappy, alone, or about to face another divorce.

We all want to be loved and have someone who cares about us. But this starts with humility. You should put shame aside and recognise before God that you need help. What should really embarrass you is not asking for help but staying in the same situation without looking for a solution. God is with open arms for those who want change.

Therefore, I invite you to participate today in ‘Love Therapy’ at 8pm at the Temple of Solomon or a Universal near you. Check here for the addresses.

Follow this message in full in the video above.

https://www.universal.org/renato-cardoso/post/vergonha