Every time I gave Cristiane the silent treatment, it was because I didn’t know how to deal with the anger over something she’d done. Something that would’ve really helped me in those moments was Cristiane asking, “What did I do that upset you?”

It wouldn’t change how I dealt with anger (something I only resolved years later), but it would’ve helped me by making me feel heard. Anyone who gives the silent treatment, as surprising as it may sound, wants to be heard.

But you have to listen, and not start another fight… Find out which buttons you’ve been pushing with your partner so you can avoid them next time.
Please note that you should ask the question exactly as it is written above, and with a tone of voice that shows you’re genuinely interested in listening.

People who give their partners the silent treatment are unable to manage their emotions and have not yet learned to deal with anger and other negative emotions. The tip I’ve just given you won’t resolve their problem, but it’ll help those who live with them to minimize it.
 

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